An Advisee Visit

Gus had his first visitor today.  Phon came by to say hello and to meet Gus!  We even got a picture of the two of them together.  Phon’s parents took us to lunch and we spent a couple of hours together.  What a great family!

(Written on Nov 30)

An Emotional Homecoming

(Today was the day.  Gus came home from the hospital.

The nurses at the hospital are great. The teach you and hover about you to make sure you know what you are doing.  Today, they taught me how to give Gus a bath.  Or at least tried.  I am not sure I am as adept with bathing my son as I would like, but I am sure that I will have years of practice. Wash the hair, clean the ears, the nose, the stump, oil up the body, keep him warm.  They were trying to teach me “the technique.”  If nothing else, I got some info and we all got a good laugh.

Before we left the hospital, Gus was able to meet Nad for the first time.  Since he was born on Wednesday, Nad hasn’t been able to see him.  I had shown her pictures, and I think we both wanted her to meet him.  It was a short, but important moment for me.  It was Nad’s discharge day too and she had her kids there.  We took some pictures and shared a moment or two and then it was time to go. 

The responsibility I felt leaving the hospital was overwhelming.  Today, it was real.  Today, I am no longer on my own.  Today, I felt responsibility far greater than imagined. Gus and I are a family.  We will face the world together.

(written on Nov 29)

To Have and Not to Hold

When babies are born in Thailand (all babies) they are quickly placed in an incubator and whisked away to a nursery area.  The parents get a minute or two with the child while in the incubator and then only through a couple of panes of glass for the first day.  I got to see Gus through the glass, but sadly wasn’t able to hold him or touch him. 

Day two of life, babies are able to be held and fed (only twice) by their parents.  These restrictions are to help prevent germs and disease from getting to the babies.  So I dutifully went to the hospital yesterday to do my two feedings.  11:00 and 2:00.  That is all you get! About 30 minutes each.  Today was the same:  two feedings (11:00 and 2:00).

I appreciate the care for my son.  I appreciate the concern for his health.  I understand the lack of immune system he currently has.  I acknowledge the hospitals know what they are doing.  But today, I just want to hold him.  All day long. 

(Written nov 28)

Thanksgiving in Thailand

Today across the US, people are giving thanks for all the gifts in their lives.  All Americans take this day to say thanks for all they have and all they have been given.  My memories of Thanksgiving have always been with my extended family, my maternal grandfather’s family.  What at one point 60 years ago started as a small family gathering has grown to include 50-60 cousins gathering around a single table in a church hall.  This was our way of giving thanks.

In recent years, I have been taking Thanksgiving away from my family on a beach vacation with a dear friend.  This soon became part of the rhythm of my year and an important time for me to get away from the hectic nature of life and give thanks.  And get a little sun too!

This year, the holiday takes on a new meaning.  I was able today to meet Nad for the first time.  Nad is the surrogate who for nine months carried and nurtured Gus for me.  Without her willingness, her gentle care, and her concern for the growing baby, Gus would not have made it through these past 38 weeks.  So today, on Thanksgiving, I am thankful to Nad for helping me and caring for my boy long before I ever could.

(Written Nov 27)

Welcome Augustus Patton

Today, my son was born.  My son.  It seems weird to say (or type) those words.  It is an interesting concept, life.  Yesterday, it was just me.  And today, there are two of us.  And for every day forward, there will be two of us.

How to choose a name for your child?  Everyone has thoughts on names, how to choose, and suggestions. I, myself, had some criteria. I wanted a name that was not common but that wasn’t “weird”. I wanted a name that was not trendy, and was not going to be too popular.  I wanted a name that wasn’t going to end in a “y”.  No Billys, Bobbys, or Tommys for me. 

In some way, I wanted the name to honor my family.  I had to look no further than my grandfathers.  While I never know my paternal grandfather, his legacy is important to my father and his family.  He died young in his early 60s.  My maternal grandfather was an important figure to me growing up.  It was coffee and donuts on Sundays, yard work, and “the man who could fix anything.”  He passed away just before my senior year in high school.  The issue: their names were Thomas and Robert.  The solution: their middle names.

While both men had fairly common first names, their middle names were not as “regular”.  Augustus and Patton.  It seems a fitting tribute to both men that their legacy can live on in my son.  Augustus was just the name I was looking for: strong on its own with a great built in nickname, Gus.  Patton remains perfect as a middle name to honor the Canadian half of my heritage.  Once I settled on the name, I knew it was right!

A big thanks to Robert Nodwell and Thomas Lynch for their love, affection, and raising of my parents and my aunts and uncles.  They made their mark on their children and grandchildren.  Their spirits can carry on one more generation further in Gus.  I will leave you speculating on my chosen name if Gus had been a girl!

(written Nov 26)

On the eve...

Tomorrow.  Tomorrow is the day I become a parent.  Tomorrow I become a single parent.  A single father.  

Over the course of the last few weeks, everyone has told me: "your life is going to change," and " your life will never be the same again." When I hear these sentiments, I never quite know how to respond.  I know it is going to change.  I want it to change. I want it to be a different life.  I want my life to have something more in it.  I think that I always have.  

I have had a good run of it these past 42 years.  A great and supportive family, close friendships, people who I care for and who care for me.  Athletic accomplishments, world travel, a great job.  I certainly have no complaints about the life I built for myself.  So why change it?  Why have a child? My choice was so surprising to some that it prompted a close friend to say i was "screwing up the good thing I had going." 

Since I was young, I imagined myself raising a child.  In some ways I think this desire started when I was sixteen and working as a swimming instructor/lifeguard.  It is something I just assumed I would do.  As time went on, it never changed.  I always imagined my life with a child in it.  I imagined all the fun aspects, all the good things, all the memories I would have and make with my kid.  It made me happy to think about it. 

When I realized I wasn't going to have a kid the "old fashioned way," I had to think: is this still something I want.  The answer was always yes.  Yes, this is what I want. This desire to have my own children, to raise them, to share life with them, never changed.  There were just a few hurdles to clear along the way. 

People have asked if I ever wanted to change my mind.  The answer is no.  I have been excited, nervous, overwhelmed.  But never unsure.  I never felt I had made a mistake or wanted to change my mind.  Never once.  There have been a lot of choices I have been uncertain about, but this is not one of them. 

Do I want my life to change? Yes.  Do I know how it will change or what it will feel like?  No.  But no one does. Some friends have said this is my life's next great adventure, I couldn't agree more.  

The Start of an Adventure

"At the moment, she can not think of a more reckless, irrational thing than choosing to become a parent."--Khaled Hosseini

Becoming a single parent is a deeply personal decision.  Making that happen when you are a single man also presents some unique and interesting challenges. This blog is about the experience of having a child 9000 miles away, with the help of a great number or experts, an agent, and a couple of different women.  Having a kid this way might be considered reckless, or maybe irrational to some, but to me it feels like an adventure. And who doesn't like a bit of an adventure?