Tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day I become a parent. Tomorrow I become a single parent. A single father.
Over the course of the last few weeks, everyone has told me: "your life is going to change," and " your life will never be the same again." When I hear these sentiments, I never quite know how to respond. I know it is going to change. I want it to change. I want it to be a different life. I want my life to have something more in it. I think that I always have.
I have had a good run of it these past 42 years. A great and supportive family, close friendships, people who I care for and who care for me. Athletic accomplishments, world travel, a great job. I certainly have no complaints about the life I built for myself. So why change it? Why have a child? My choice was so surprising to some that it prompted a close friend to say i was "screwing up the good thing I had going."
Since I was young, I imagined myself raising a child. In some ways I think this desire started when I was sixteen and working as a swimming instructor/lifeguard. It is something I just assumed I would do. As time went on, it never changed. I always imagined my life with a child in it. I imagined all the fun aspects, all the good things, all the memories I would have and make with my kid. It made me happy to think about it.
When I realized I wasn't going to have a kid the "old fashioned way," I had to think: is this still something I want. The answer was always yes. Yes, this is what I want. This desire to have my own children, to raise them, to share life with them, never changed. There were just a few hurdles to clear along the way.
People have asked if I ever wanted to change my mind. The answer is no. I have been excited, nervous, overwhelmed. But never unsure. I never felt I had made a mistake or wanted to change my mind. Never once. There have been a lot of choices I have been uncertain about, but this is not one of them.
Do I want my life to change? Yes. Do I know how it will change or what it will feel like? No. But no one does. Some friends have said this is my life's next great adventure, I couldn't agree more.
